Posted in Uncategorized

has this happened to you?

As you may know {and just in case you don’t} I’m currently studying law. It’s only my first year and already I’m getting anxious and nervous. Not much about my classes, but mostly about the people I take class with. In Puerto Rico there are only 4 law schools, and each year they only admit 300 or so students in each campus, so you have a great chance of taking class with the same people years in a row.

{right about now you could listen here to matchbox 20’s “unwell”, fits perfectly today}

I’ve made friends and I have lots of fun hanging out after class just relaxing, but there’s a group of people in particular that I just don’t get. They hang out together, they go to bars after school [night school] and they always meet up where the smokers are. They’re about 10 people in that group and I take class with about 6 of them. The thing is…I’m scared of them. I’m feeling like a little girl in middle school that was teased and made fun of by the more popular girls in school. Sometimes I feel like I get looks from them [the girls in particular] and I get a bit uncomfortable around campus because I feel I’m under scrutiny all the time.

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yep...I hate these girls

The reality of the matter is that maybe they talk about me, maybe they don’t. Maybe they like me or maybe those girls totally hate or make fun of me. Either way, I get a bit anxious whenever they are around. Whenever they look I get nervous and when I see them whisper I feel they’re talking about me. It’s a stupid notion, I know, but I can’t help but feel it. The weird thing is that I usually don’t care what other people say, or I don’t really pay much attention to these type of girls, but every now and then comes a few along that have me question my self-confidence. I think that what I fear most is not that they don’t like me or disagree with me, what I think I fear the most is the ridicule and scrutiny I feel whenever I’m around them. How am I supposed to become a good lawyer when I even doubt myself? We’ll see what happens.

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my fear exactly, trying to be professional an being laughed at in my face

{ps.I wrote this during class, just took a bathroom break and ran into one of them..}

images via

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Author:

I am a young woman discovering myself while juggling life, marriage and law school

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