I’m at a place in my professional life where I’m not satisfied with the work I do. It’s pretty standard stuff, very basic requirements and little responsibility. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to have a job in a very prestigious company [globally] and in this down economy, but sometimes I just can’t help but feel hopeless. Things I like about my job: the co-workers, the time flexibility, my boss [he’s actually nice and understanding]. Things I don’t like about my job: the routine, doing the same work day in and day out with no gratification whatsoever. Every day I do the same, no more no less, just the same. I’m not even talking about getting a bigger salary [but it would be nice] I just want to be able to handle a little more responsibility. Right now I’m in charge of doing a whopping total of 3 tasks every day: approve, create and reimburse. That’s it.
There’s also another thing that keeps me down [if that’s fitting], as you may know I don’t work directly for the company I work through a placement agency. This limits very much any possibility of growing within the company [also the company is not interested in hiring direct employees any time soon] so now I’m stuck. What do you do when you don’t quite like your job but you can’t quit? What can you do to feel as if your work is part of a goal that is reached as a team and not a mundane activity where people could care less if you did it correctly? How do you deal with the feeling of being stuck?
Now you might say “Oh but miss sue you’re a law student, in a couple of years you’ll be doing important work as well [and getting paid more]” but I say to that “how do you know? How can I be sure?” There are 3 law schools in Puerto Rico with an average of 856 students every year that pass the bar. And jobs in the legal area are about 100 a year [and that’s reaching for the stars]. What hope do we law students have with those odds? What chance do I have with no connections whatsoever in the law field against my peers that have their jobs secured and lined up for when they graduate? These questions come to my mind from time to time and I don’t like them. I want to do something that matters, if even for a really small company. I want to have more responsibility and gratification when something gets done. I don’t want to be just doing the bare minimum [and that truly is what’s needed in my current job description]. I want to be doing my best, to feel motivated to give a 175% and to be acknowledged for my work. I want the chance to grow as a professional and not the cruel reality of being in the same position forever. I want to really work.
I guess this thinking is all part of the finding-yourself-journey and I know that I’m still young with my whole life ahead of me, but at the same time the things that are happening in the world right now make you realize that you could be here one day and gone tomorrow. Isn’t that motivation enough to want to get things done already? To me it is. People might try to convince me that good things come to those who wait, but what of those who’ve waited for so long that they die and never get to do something gratifying? This thought creeps constantly in my mind.
I’m 26, and working at a minimum wage job that has no possibility of evolving into something more. I’m desperate to find my nitch in life, to have the feeling of belonging and thinking “I am the best at this” , to not feel frustrated anymore because I don’t have the chance to prove to everyone [and myself] that I can accomplish bigger goals. Right now there’s nothing I can do [believe me I’ve been to many interviews looking for a better job, no such luck] so this stuckedness [yep I just invented that word] will be my friend for the next 2 ½ years until I graduate. We’ll see then if things go better [I’m praying on it] or if will spend more quality time with dear-ol’ minimum wage.
PS. I’m not a pessimist, don’t misunderstand me. It’s just frustrating when a productive [no longer procrastinator] person is stuck in a rut.
X-TRA PS: this is why I wanna be 40 already